the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
