She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
