i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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