ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
