Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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