It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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