i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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