When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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