I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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