why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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