He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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