I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
