I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
