Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
It's never too late to be topless.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
My boob is missing a layer of skin
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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