and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
