Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
