I will die if light touches me.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
