eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize