Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
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Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
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I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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