I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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