I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
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