Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People in love make me want to vomit
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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