Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize