He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
