Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Randomize
