I'm gonna have a badass scar
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
