Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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