its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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