im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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