What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize