I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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