franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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