Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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