I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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