went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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