my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Someone signed my nipple.
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