WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
