I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
