dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
