is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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