mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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