so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
