I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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