DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
