I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
