Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
