i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
