I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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