Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
