I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
