All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize