Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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