The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Is Oprah even human
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
