I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
