Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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