PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
