im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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