dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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