dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
she smelled like a LAN party
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
