im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
