I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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