Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
