just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
