Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
