I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
