i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Still dying that you shit outside
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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